Just My Take,
by Robert Baker
June 12, 2003
RBN Entertainment Division
WesStar Throws Down the Gauntlet: “Rush Limbaugh Era OVER”
CHICAGO In a press conference earlier today WesStar Communications, headquartered
in Chicago, presented a new talk-radio syndication star to the national media.
In an announcement that sent tremors through the talk-radio universe, WesStar
introduced their answer to Rush Limbaugh, the talk-show juggernaut of daytime
radio. “The Rush Limbaugh Era is over,” said Roman Fiedler, CEO
of WesStar. “We have just signed Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, the former
Minister of Information in Iraq, to a two year contract.”
Fiedler went on to outline the particulars of the new program to be syndicated
in 300 radio markets in the US and Canada. “In most of our 300 markets
MSS will be head-to-head with Limbaugh,” he said. “The program will
also air on a delayed basis in the Middle East. Our flagship station here
in Chicago will produce and originate the program.”
“As you may know, WesStar Communications supplies program content primarily
to radio stations affiliated with National Public Radio. Due to the non-profit
nature of these stations there will be no immediate pressure to be a commercial
success. This will allow MSS to build his audience without sacrificing content
and quality. We are taking direct aim at the conservative dominance of talk-radio.
As MSS has said more than once in our negotiations, ‘I intend to smart
bomb Mr. Limbow.’ We anticipate that the program will be a commercial
success by the end of the first year.”
“The program will air from noon to 3pm Eastern time, Monday through Friday.
The format will include monologues and interviews with important figures in
politics, culture, and the arts. The Democratic National Committee and Hollywood
have both indicated strong support. We expect them to have significant input
into program content. It will be liberal in philosophy but will be fair to
conservative views. Political positions that are now effectively shut out
will see the light of day. We think our audience, when it has all the facts,
will support us. Now I would like to introduce our newest star, Mr. Al-Sahhaf.
He will be available to answer a few questions.”
MSS: Thank you Roman. First I would like to express how delighted I am to
be here. It presents a wonderful opportunity to get to know the American people
better. I have been told there are a great many Americans who do not choose
to enforce their opinions at the point of a gun. I look forward to meeting
such people. Let me add that because of the difficulty of pronouncing my name
I have adopted a new name for my American and Canadian audience. You may refer
to me as Mosas. I will take a few questions.
RBN: Sir, how are you qualified to host a talk-radio program?
MSS: I have been, for many years, a spokesman for the Iraqi government. I
have extensive experience talking to people about political and government
matters. I expect to do well. Next.
CNN: Sir, do you expect a difficult adjustment to life in a democratic and
free society?
MSS: Oh my good friend, so nice to see you once again. Such wonderful memories
we share. Please carry greetings to our good friend, Mr. Jordan. CNN has been
such a great friend to the Iraqi people for many years. But to your question,
I will be broadcasting from Chicago, America so I don’t have an answer
to your question. I should think that life under President Bush would be similar
to my life in Iraq. To taste a democratic culture would require that I live
in France or, perhaps, Canada. I hope that my program will lead to democratic
changes in your 2004 elections so that you also will have the opportunity
to adjust to a democratic and free society.
CBC: Sir, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. Thank you for your compliment
to my country. What will your program be called?
MSS: The program will be called ‘The Mosas Shows Us Program.’ I
intend to guide my audience toward the truth.
FOX: Sir, FOX News. There are several reports that Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf
committed suicide after the fall of Baghdad. How do you respond to these rumors?
MSS: Sir, they are mistaken. I believe those reports were picked up from Iranian
newspapers. You must learn to put your facts in context. Of course, for security
reasons, all prominent members of the Iraqi government were given doubles.
I could be his double couldn’t I? What is it you FOX people say? Oh yes,
I report, you decide. HaHa. Next.
EIB: Sir, the EIB network. Do you know Rush Limbaugh and do you have a strategy
to compete against him?
MSS: Everyone in the Middle East knows Mr. Limbow. I have never met him but
I can tell you he disgusts me. We have an Arabic expression in Iraq. ‘God
will burn his belly in hell.’ He is lying every day. He is lying always.
The Mosas Shows Us Program will defeat him. He will commit suicide at the
gates of Chicago. He is a Zionist infidel doing the bidding of the dictator,
Bush. I step on him and his program. He will be as dead grass before my program.
(Pause) As for strategy, Arab wit is sharp as the sword of Allah. My sword
will cut open his lying belly. His entrails will be open before the sun. America
will hate him and his lying belly. I will simply tell the truth. After all,
that is how I got this job.
Reaction to the news has been pouring in. Several public figures have expressed
delight. Martha Burke of the National Council of Women’s Organizations,
commented, “We are thrilled with the news. We have a list of serious
women’s issues. We have asked Mr. Saeed for his positions. Early indications
are that he strongly supports the admission of women to membership in the
Augusta National Golf Club. It is a litmus test. We eagerly await his radio
debut.”
Alan Colmes of FOX News had a mixed reaction. “I think recent events
may have tainted his credibility but time will tell. I support the truth from
whatever source.”
Al Franken was lukewarm to the idea. “Before the Iraq war I had been
in negotiations with WesStar to syndicate a radio program. Fat Limbaugh is
a formidable opponent. I probably had the best chance to bring him down. I
know him like a book.” Franken is a comedian, pundit, and author of a
best-selling book about Rush Limbaugh.
Rush Limbaugh released the following statement. “I look forward to the
competition. There is nothing more American than a head-to-head, toe-to-toe
contest for the hearts and minds of America. I shall engage Mr. Saeed with
the principles of the conservative philosophy. I will shine the light of truth
on liberalism. I shall tie half my brain behind my back. Like the Iraq war
it will be a cakewalk.”