Eat Fat! and other great books to drive liberals
nuts
by Wayne Lutz
Welcome to the first semi-occasional Tocquevillian Booklist.
Ain't never nothing quite so funny as watching the little
purple veins bulge on the temples of a leftist, and the Tocq
Booklist is sure to bring on aneurysms in the staunchest of
'em. Each every now-and-then we'll bring to you our picks
for joyous, entertainingly incorrect outhouse reading that's
sure to move you up the social ladder.
Make no mistake, however. The books we pick for you are not
chosen for their liberal-irritation value, as much fun as
that is, rather for their meat, their fatty substance, the
heat of their chili and smokiness of their medium-rare flesh
- for their common-sense take on culture and living.
That these down-home, reality-check qualities make them abhorrent
to leftists is just a delicious side-benefit.
Check out the Tocq book-list picks. Beg or buy a copy of
each and spread them out on your coffee table. Then, invite
the local chapter of the 'Save The Sequoia Coalition' to meet
in your living room, sit back, unwrap a Big Mac and watch
the fallout.
It's sure to be a hoot!
Eat
Fat
by Richard Klein
No one I can think of could be more qualified to write "Eat
Fat" than Richard Klein, who is also the author of the
highly acclaimed "Cigarettes
Are Sublime."
This little gem of a book is a highly underrated masterpiece
of political incorrectness, in which Klein assembles statistics
on "healthy fatties" and adds to them his own evidence
pointing to fat as a precursor of happiness. Klein cites voluminous
depictions of fat as beauty in art as he makes the case for
fatness and "fat sex."
In "Eat Fat," Klein examines not only the asthetics
of fat, discussing the Rubenesque as the sexual ideal, but
also delves into the politics of fat and the relationship
of fat to power.
Published in 1996, "Eat Fat" was ahead of its time.
We are now living through a period when leftist politicians,
hairy-eared intellectuals and other busy-body nutcases want
to take your fat away from you. They want to tax it, ban it,
forbid it to your children and to you. They want to load your
twinkies into your SUV and push the bundle over a cliff, and
we are here to take a stand and say "Hell no! We ain't
eating sprouts no more!"
We want our fat, and so does Klein. Published in 1996, "Eat
Fat" is difficult to come by now, and understandably
so. You can find a copy if you search dilligently, and when
you get yours, don't let it go. Open a bag of chips with a
can of processed ranch dip, put out a plate of deep-fried
Buffalo wings with blue cheese, pop open a beer and settle
in for a great read.
"Eat Fat is a highly iconoclastic, post-modern diet
book," that you will devour with glee, right along with
your Whopper with Cheese Value Meal - King-sized, of course.
(Have you ever tried a peanut-butter and cheese-whiz sandwich,
on white? Heaven.)
Cigarettes
Are Sublime
by Richard Klein
When a Nike-and-sensible-business-suit-clad liberal glares
at you on the street with your cigarette and coughs in your
face, you have a couple of choices. You could just smack the
bitch on the head and be done with it. Or, you could scream
"Masher! Masher! and have her arrested for sexual assault.
Either of those responses would probably result in a court
appearance, however, and might not be worth the hassel to
some.
The most sensible course of action would be to inhale deeply,
expell the aromatic smoke in a gushing torrent into the face
of your tormenter, then go home and console yourself by reading
"Cigarettes are Sublime," by Richard Klein (preferably
with a Toby Keith CD playing softly in the background).
Klein believes the current zealous condemnation of cigarette
smoking goes far beyond matters of health and drifts into
issues of personal freedom. As with the woman in the scenereo
above, the current in-your-face antismoking campaigns are
less a concern for your health than they are a moralists'
censorship of cigarettes' `"discursive performance,"'
which hitherto has `"regularly been linked to strong
currents of sexual and political freedom.''
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
For (ahem) writers and artists, smoking has often been part
of the creative process. The sharing of cigarettes has long
been a gesture of courtship and sensuality, an expression
of rebelliousness and bravado, and a balm for the terrors
and tragedy of war and other intolerable circumstances, says
Klein.
Take 'em or leave 'em, smoke 'em if you got 'em, and read
it if you dare. Ain't nobody's business but your'n, anyhow.
Diggin'
In & Piggin' Out
by Roger Welsch
Roger Welsch will eat anything, and he's danged proud of
it, too.
These days, when everything you eat is going to kill you,
according to your nanny state, it's as refreshing as a cold
beer on an August dog-day to read Roger Welsch as he defends
the fried, the greasy, the smoked, the butter-soaked and the
sugar-dusted.
Subtitled "The Truth about Food and Men,"
"Diggin' In & Piggin' Out is a celebration of food
and the men who eat it. From the bookflap:
"Roger reveals man's own unique brand of culsine - from
how to properly prepare gin and tonic barbecued ribs (hint:
drink while you cook) to man's ideal restaurant (a place where
you can eat canned food over a sink). He also identifies the
two secrets of preparing manly food - meat and fire."
I am personally aquainted with a certain Managing Editor
(Hi, Stan!) who can identify with that.
"The basic tools of male cusine are: fingers,"
writes Rogers, and to that we'd add the greasy recipes that
are liberally (pardon the term) spread through this book.
"Welsch is the kind of guy who would probably roll around
in an entrée, if it was good enough," and we're the kind
of guys who appreciate that urge, and a really good read to
boot.
Kill
It & Grill It
by Ted Nugent
"Vegetarians are cool. All I eat are vegetarians - except
for the occasional mountain lion steak."
So says Ted Nugent in "Kill It & Grill It,"
the definitive guide to stalking, killing, cleaning and eating
animals.
Ain't hardly nobody loves nature more than Nugent, 'specially
with a good barbeque sauce, and with this book he'll help
you to bring the spirit of the wild right to your own dinner
table. From the flap:
"With "Kill It & Grill It," you'll learn
everything you need to know about getting your dinner-on-the-hoof
and savoring the world's greatest "pissed-off protein."
There ain't nothin' better than that.
"Pissed-off protein" on the table not only tasts
great, but is sure to piss-off your liberal friends and family
members. Buy it, read it, kill it, grill it, drink it in and
eat it up and read it until you're sated. Ted Nugent is one-of-a-kind,
sad to say.
There you have it, the First Semi-Occasional installment
of the Tocq Booklist. Serve it up batter-dipped and deep-fried,
while you still have the Freedom to Fry.
©
2003 Tocqevillian Magazine
