News Flash: Editorial
Duo Decimates Bottom-Feeders
- Wayne Lutz
New York - In what is sure to go down in local Fishing
Lore as "The Day The Ocean Quaked," Stan Kid, Managing
Editor of The Tocquevillian Magazine, and Wayne Lutz, Editor-In-Chief,
struck fear into the little hearts of bottom-feeders everywhere
in a stunning performance of manly arts during a fishing expedition
off the coast of Long Island, N.Y..
Women swooned and
strong men shriveled up in shame as the pair proved to all
concerned that literary prowess is, after all, a result of
the application of raw masculine power - one that is easily
transferable from the production of pointed, powerful prose
to the harvesting of fighting fish.
It was a foggy New
York morning when the 'Lady J V' set out from the docks at
Point Lookout marina, rounded the inlet and headed out to
sea. Surrounded by Nassau County Cops and vats of Busweiser,
the two stalwart editors went about their preparations for
the battle to come silently, and with an air of steadfast
determination and resolve.
Asked about his thoughts
on the day ahead, Kid bit the end off of a cigar, spat into
the foamy brine and turned his steady gaze out to the horizon
for several moments before replying.
"Son, this is
no picnic," he said, his low, gravely voice barely discernible
over the noise of popping beer cans and rustling chip bags.
"If you don't have the stomach for a fight, I suggest
you go below right now."
this ain't no picnic," added Lutz, who was smearing a
bagel with cream cheese. "Say, what do you call this
here thing, anyhow? Ain't this one of them beagle things?
Funny, these here boys don't look Jewish."
The fog soon burned
off to reveal crisp blue skies over the rolling four-foot
swells, and when the Long Island coastline had dropped from
sight over the horizon, the sturdy ship cut its engines and
dropped anchor. Lutz's steel-blue eyes were cold and determined
as he dropped his line into the deep and popped open a Bud.
The fight was on, and the fish trembled.
It was eight hours
later when the 'Lady J' chugged into the marina and tied up
to the docks. The sinewy muscles of our editorial duo rippled
and their bronzed skin glistened with sweat in the slanting
rays of the late-day sun as they offloaded their cargo of
fish, empty beer cans and several inert bodies. This reporter,
struggling to keep up with the Powerful Pair, managed to get
in one last question before they rode off into the sunset.
Was the day a success? Did you do what you came to do?
growled Kid, "the bottom-feeders never had a chance.
They've been decimated, because that's what we came to do,
and what we came to do is what we did."
Lutz belched, then
added, "You tell 'em, Stan. And since there ain't no
more bottom-feeders in these waters with any fight left in
'em, we is now movin' on to other bottom-feeders, in other
waters," said Lutz. "They is a whole big sea of
liberal bottom-feeders out there, just a-waitin' to be reeled
in and gutted."
speaking, of course," said Kid, over his shoulder, as
they strutted away.
And liberals everywhere