Eddie, go home!
by Dave Francis
April 29, 2003
St. Petersburg, Russia
I hear a lot of people complaining about the way the Bush
administration has treated our allies. "We have lost
our allies," they wail, citing that as one more reason
we shouldn't have gone to Iraq and shut down the torture chambers,
(One of which specialized in pediatric torture.) weapons labs,
and terrorist training camps.
Let's examine the gains and losses.
France, Germany, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, and Belgium lead the
opposition to the US freeing Iraq. These are the 'allies'
that we are supposed to be losing.
France, Germany, Saudi Arabia, and Egypt all claim that they
are still friends with America, and don't want to see that
friendship compromised by the situation regarding Iraq. As
for Belgium, well, who really cares? I mean, it is BELGIUM!
Could they be more irrelevant if they tried?
Two other prominent dissenters have been China and Russia.
As long as we keep buying things from China, and giving them
national security secrets for the price of a few campaign
contributions to the Democrats, they will be our 'allies.'
Russia, who knows? That enigma is still an enigma. If Churchill
couldn't unravel it, I won't even try. I do know this. In
the last century, if you were opposed by China, Russia, and
Germany, you were probably doing something good. France, Egypt,
and Saudi Arabia don't have a much better track record.
If we have indeed lost allies who weren't willing to help
us when we needed it, good riddance.
We may have gained some allies in this thing too. I don't
think the America that abandoned the Kurds, the America that
stood by while Rwandan's were slaughtered, the America that
encouraged Haitians to leave, then let them drown, I don't
think that America was ever going to have many steadfast allies.
On the other hand, I think an America that has principles,
coupled with a willingness to stick to those principles, has
a chance at having true allies in the world.
I don't really care about our 'allies' in Saudi Arabia, Egypt,
and other places where they are glad to take our money and
use it to build hatred of America. We all have had friends
who were all smiles as long as there was beer. We know how
'valuable' those kinds of friends are.
Are there any gains due to the stronger, more principled
policies adopted by the Bush administration? Look around.
Here in Russia, it was announced today that the top muckety
mucks of the Islamic Council in Russia have ashcanned one
of their own. It seems that the Mufti is no more. The guy
all of us here in Russia saw on the news on April 3rd carrying
a sword down the street at an anti-American demonstration,
the guy we heard calling for a jihad against American's worldwide,
the guy who was the face of the fury of Islam here is now
just another guy looking for a job.
The Islamic Council here decided that isn't the kind of voice
that needs to be heard right now. Forget that two weeks ago,
he was the star of the group, the bright light leading them
into the future. Now he is just an ugly reminder of yesterday's
In other places there is also good news. According to the
Arab News, Saudi Arabia has ordered the removal of a lot of
Imam's in mosques they support for talking about current events,
and for being too political. It seems the Saudi's now are
deciding that it would be better if the Imam's they are footing
the bill for would stop calling for the destruction of America.
They have told them to stop talking about current events,
and concern themselves with the soul.
This is a decision that will stretch around the world. Mosques
everywhere are funded by the Saudi's, and it is the Saudi's
who call the tune for the guy in the pulpit. (Do they have
Some people claim that the UN has now been made irrelevant
by the actions of the US.
I think the UN, without the might and will of the US, has
been basically useless for a while. Pointing that out is what
has happened. The actions in Iraq by the US have just made
the truth obvious to anyone who cares to notice. Since the
irrelevancy of the UN is a truth, it is best for the world
to face that truth, and if they want to fix it, fix it. Denying
it doesn't make it any less true.
The 'allies' we have lost are the kinds of friends we all
know. The kind Wally used to send home in disgust so often.
You remember him. Weaselly faced Eddie Haskell. Here was Wally
and the Beav, (The US and UK) trying to do what's right, trying
to be good guys, and cynical Eddie is there, sneering and
jeering. Eddie Haskell, always a little too smart for his
own good. Eddie Haskell, the sophisticate, the know it all,
snidely explaining to Wally how stupid it is to be idealistic,
to try to do the right thing. Eventually, even the patient
Wally gets his fill and sends Eddie home. Everyone is relieved,
and by the end of the show, Eddie is shown to be the weasel
we all knew him to be. Maddeningly though, Wally always let
Eddie come back over, always forgave him.
Wally never really forgot though, did he? He always knew
that he couldn't count on Eddie. He always knew Eddie was
a coward. A vain, preening, full of himself ass that was basically
good for nothing. Wally tolerated Eddie for Eddie's sake.
Wally put up with Eddie because he was too good not to. That
frustration you used to feel, watching Leave it to Beaver
when you would see Eddie worm his way back into the Cleaver
home; well, you are about to feel it again. The French, Germans,
and others are right now ringing the bell, slicking back their
hair, and telling us, "My, don't you look nice today!"
with a lack of sincerity that is so usual that you don't even
expect anything better from them anymore. We would like to
say, "Eddie, go home", but we won't. We are too
good to do that.
2003 Tocqevillian Magazine