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Dave Francis

Dave Francis is a 43-year-old American living in Russia. Dave is a patriot, to the point of radicalism.

" I believe that America is the greatest government that ever graced the earth. I think the bill of rights is the most important document since the Bible. I also believe that all governments are evil. The smaller and more inefficient the government is, the better."

Dave Francis is arrogant, opinionated, and damn near always correct.

"I have been, at various times, a free spirit wandering this earth, a small businessman in Houston Texas, a fledgling journalist in Central America and Mexico, and an aspiring figure in the high growth industry of the Russian mafia.

Currently, Dave teaches English at St. Petersburg State University, the premier university in St. Petersburg, Russia. It is the alma mater of Mendelev, Lenin, and Putin, among others. He also runs the only English language radio show in the city, THE DAVE FRANCIS SHOW on Radio Roks, FM 102. It combines black humor, rock music, news, and commentary to produce "the best radio show in the whole damn country! (Not just my opinion, my wife says the same!)"

You can listen to Dave Francis on:
Radio Roks 102 FM
St. Petersburg, Russia
Now LIVE on the internet.

    Eddie, go home!
    by Dave Francis

    April 29, 2003

    St. Petersburg, Russia

    I hear a lot of people complaining about the way the Bush administration has treated our allies. "We have lost our allies," they wail, citing that as one more reason we shouldn't have gone to Iraq and shut down the torture chambers, (One of which specialized in pediatric torture.) weapons labs, and terrorist training camps.

    Let's examine the gains and losses.

    France, Germany, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, and Belgium lead the opposition to the US freeing Iraq. These are the 'allies' that we are supposed to be losing.

    France, Germany, Saudi Arabia, and Egypt all claim that they are still friends with America, and don't want to see that friendship compromised by the situation regarding Iraq. As for Belgium, well, who really cares? I mean, it is BELGIUM! Could they be more irrelevant if they tried?

    Two other prominent dissenters have been China and Russia.

    As long as we keep buying things from China, and giving them national security secrets for the price of a few campaign contributions to the Democrats, they will be our 'allies.' Russia, who knows? That enigma is still an enigma. If Churchill couldn't unravel it, I won't even try. I do know this. In the last century, if you were opposed by China, Russia, and Germany, you were probably doing something good. France, Egypt, and Saudi Arabia don't have a much better track record.

    If we have indeed lost allies who weren't willing to help us when we needed it, good riddance.

    We may have gained some allies in this thing too. I don't think the America that abandoned the Kurds, the America that stood by while Rwandan's were slaughtered, the America that encouraged Haitians to leave, then let them drown, I don't think that America was ever going to have many steadfast allies. On the other hand, I think an America that has principles, coupled with a willingness to stick to those principles, has a chance at having true allies in the world.

    I don't really care about our 'allies' in Saudi Arabia, Egypt, and other places where they are glad to take our money and use it to build hatred of America. We all have had friends who were all smiles as long as there was beer. We know how 'valuable' those kinds of friends are.

    Are there any gains due to the stronger, more principled policies adopted by the Bush administration? Look around.

    Here in Russia, it was announced today that the top muckety mucks of the Islamic Council in Russia have ashcanned one of their own. It seems that the Mufti is no more. The guy all of us here in Russia saw on the news on April 3rd carrying a sword down the street at an anti-American demonstration, the guy we heard calling for a jihad against American's worldwide, the guy who was the face of the fury of Islam here is now just another guy looking for a job.

    The Islamic Council here decided that isn't the kind of voice that needs to be heard right now. Forget that two weeks ago, he was the star of the group, the bright light leading them into the future. Now he is just an ugly reminder of yesterday's failure.

    In other places there is also good news. According to the Arab News, Saudi Arabia has ordered the removal of a lot of Imam's in mosques they support for talking about current events, and for being too political. It seems the Saudi's now are deciding that it would be better if the Imam's they are footing the bill for would stop calling for the destruction of America. They have told them to stop talking about current events, and concern themselves with the soul.

    This is a decision that will stretch around the world. Mosques everywhere are funded by the Saudi's, and it is the Saudi's who call the tune for the guy in the pulpit. (Do they have pulpits?)

    Some people claim that the UN has now been made irrelevant by the actions of the US.

    I think the UN, without the might and will of the US, has been basically useless for a while. Pointing that out is what has happened. The actions in Iraq by the US have just made the truth obvious to anyone who cares to notice. Since the irrelevancy of the UN is a truth, it is best for the world to face that truth, and if they want to fix it, fix it. Denying it doesn't make it any less true.

    The 'allies' we have lost are the kinds of friends we all know. The kind Wally used to send home in disgust so often. You remember him. Weaselly faced Eddie Haskell. Here was Wally and the Beav, (The US and UK) trying to do what's right, trying to be good guys, and cynical Eddie is there, sneering and jeering. Eddie Haskell, always a little too smart for his own good. Eddie Haskell, the sophisticate, the know it all, snidely explaining to Wally how stupid it is to be idealistic, to try to do the right thing. Eventually, even the patient Wally gets his fill and sends Eddie home. Everyone is relieved, and by the end of the show, Eddie is shown to be the weasel we all knew him to be. Maddeningly though, Wally always let Eddie come back over, always forgave him.

    Wally never really forgot though, did he? He always knew that he couldn't count on Eddie. He always knew Eddie was a coward. A vain, preening, full of himself ass that was basically good for nothing. Wally tolerated Eddie for Eddie's sake. Wally put up with Eddie because he was too good not to. That frustration you used to feel, watching Leave it to Beaver when you would see Eddie worm his way back into the Cleaver home; well, you are about to feel it again. The French, Germans, and others are right now ringing the bell, slicking back their hair, and telling us, "My, don't you look nice today!" with a lack of sincerity that is so usual that you don't even expect anything better from them anymore. We would like to say, "Eddie, go home", but we won't. We are too good to do that.

    © 2003 Tocqevillian Magazine